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  “You have got to be kidding me. I just told you that the woman you love was going to be approached by another man, and you want to talk about my wedding plans? What the hell’s wrong with you?”

  “Gina, please—”

  “Don’t Gina me! I didn’t tell you that to hurt you. I told you to kick you in the ass and get you to do something—anything!” She glared at him. “Do you really want to pretend it’s not happening? That if you stick your head in the sand, it won’t hurt? It’s exactly what you did when Terri died and look where that got you!”

  “Of course it hurts!” he yelled back at her. She’d hit a nerve. “It hurts worse than you can imagine. I want nothing more than to tell her I love her and ask her to come back.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Chase knew he could no longer deny the truth. He had let an amazing woman walk away, and now he wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back.

  “Finally!” She threw her hands in the air. “A reaction. Now go over there and tell her what you told me.”

  “I can’t,” he muttered.

  “You can’t, or you won’t?”

  “Katie won’t even consider coming back unless she knows it won’t hurt Liz. Once Liz is able to accept her, I can try to heal the rift with Katie.”

  “If you’re not too late.”

  Her comment stung. Chase shook his head and walked out of the kitchen. He couldn’t deal with Gina and her constant pushing. He had a plan, and it would work.

  If he wasn’t too late.

  ~*~

  The next couple of weeks were filled with work and therapy appointments. David hadn’t mentioned Katie again in their sessions, but Chase figured it was only a matter of time before he did. He walked into David’s office and plunked down in the chair opposite him.

  “Hello, Chase,” he said. “How was your week?”

  “Fine.”

  “Did you get a chance to try out some of the suggestions I gave you last time?” David and Chase had discussed different ways he could open up to Liz and talk about her mother. They also had talked over the best way to set boundaries concerning her behavior. Initially, she’d responded well, but the first time she had an outburst and he enforced the new rules, she had thrown a temper tantrum that would have made a two-year-old proud. After that, it happened less often, until she understood he wouldn’t waver.

  “I did, and Liz responded much better than we thought she would.”

  “Excellent, excellent. Then I want to get into some things that might be a little painful to relive, but I think you need to explore them.”

  Chase nodded for him to continue.

  “I would like you to tell me about the accident.”

  He stiffened. “I’d rather not.”

  “I understand if you’re reluctant, but we will need to explore it at some point. It’s an important part of the healing process.”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  David’s face softened when he recognized that Chase wouldn’t be pushed on this topic. “We don’t have to broach this subject now, but I’m afraid if you continue to put off the inevitable, it will only become more difficult as time goes on.”

  “I appreciate your patience, but I’m not ready to talk about the accident.”

  “Very well.” Chase was surprised he let it go so easily. “Then let’s talk about your dating history.”

  “Well, um, I dated one woman for a while, but we ended things over a month ago.”

  “Tell me about her.”

  “She’s beautiful and caring. She has a little boy I adore, and he’s also Tony’s best friend.”

  Chase talked about Katie, and once he started, he didn’t want to stop. He told David about her sense of humor, the way her green eyes danced with mischief when she teased, and that she hated spinach if it was cooked but loved it in salads.

  “Katie’s amazing. She’s a marine scientist and works at the aquarium as an aquarist. She’s a fabulous mother and is so selfless.” Chase rambled on, but after several minutes, David cut in.

  “So why did you break it off? It sounds as if she’s everything you want in a woman.”

  Chase explained the problems they had with Liz and how she’d retaliated against Katie and her son. David listened while Chase recounted every detail of the decline in Liz’s behavior toward Katie and Shawn.

  “So you ended things with Katie to help Liz?”

  “No, Katie left so I could help Liz.”

  David asked, “How do you feel about that?”

  Chase raked his fingers through his hair. “I hate it. She’s the first woman I’ve felt anything for since Terri. But Liz is my main priority right now.”

  “Do you love Katie?”

  A lump formed in Chase’s throat. He swallowed, then said, “Yeah, I do. Very much.”

  “What do you want to do about it?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Why?”

  “Elizabeth.”

  David shook his head. “And why is it that Liz’s holding you back?”

  “Because she needs me right now.” Is he dense? Everything Chase was doing was for Liz.

  “I’m going to be straight with you, Chase. Lots of relationships have their ups and downs, especially when you’re trying to blend two families together. I think you need to look a little deeper at why you were willing to let her go.”

  The assumption that Chase would let Katie slip away for no good reason made him angry, but there was also a small spark of hope. Could he and Katie work on their relationship together while his family was still going through the healing process?

  David looked at the clock. “It’s time for your monthly appointment with Allison. One of the interns will take Liz to the playroom and entertain her while you have your session. I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

  He led Chase to Allison’s office, and Liz came out with the intern. She gave Chase a big smile and a small wave before disappearing down the hall.

  “Chase.” Allison greeted him with a smile. She motioned for him to take a seat when David left to see another client.

  “First off, I want to say what a wonderful child Liz is. She’s very strong-minded and loyal, particularly to her mother’s memory. It didn’t take very much prodding from me before she opened up about her mother. I’ve also gathered from our conversations that you don’t talk about Terri very much in your home.”

  Chase nodded. This was something he had been working on with David’s help. “It’s not that I wouldn’t talk about her—I just never initiated the conversation. I’ve been working on that.”

  “Outstanding. How are you doing with therapy?”

  “It was hard at first. David picked up on my avoidance issues in the first few minutes and called me on it.” Chase chuckled and shook his head, remembering their first meeting. “Since then, I’ve been working on being more open with my children and not avoiding problems or feelings when they come up.”

  “That’s great.” Allison smiled before she opened Liz’s file. “Liz has an unhealthy fear of abandonment. She lost her mother, and you weren’t around very much after her death. Now her aunt is getting married and moving out of the house, and your girlfriend is not in your lives anymore.”

  This last part surprised him. “Liz mentioned Katie left?”

  Allison looked at him for a moment before deciding on what she wanted to share. “She mentioned her, but you’ll have to understand that I won’t discuss what we talk about in our sessions.”

  Chase nodded in understanding, but his curiosity was piqued.

  “I’ve also gathered that you haven’t been much of a disciplinarian.”

  Chase chuckled but agreed, telling her what he had been working on with David’s help.

  “Liz needs clear boundaries, so I recommend you continue with the plan you and David have set up. Remember she needs consistency. If she sees you waver, she will take advantage of it. Children can be very protective of their parents. If Liz knows that talking about Terri wil
l upset you, she won’t bring up her own distress or confusion about death. This leaves her more vulnerable and isolated in her grief. She needs to know it’s okay to talk about her mother.”

  Chase took a deep breath, relieved that Liz was responding well to therapy.

  “Now, we need to address how you can help her with her abandonment issues. First, be honest, open, and clear. She needs to know she can come to you without your grief getting in the way. Next, do not avoid the topic when she brings it up, and be prepared to discuss the same details again and again. Sometimes children need to hear the same facts repeated until they process the information. It’s important that you be available, reassuring, and predictable.” Allison looked over her notes and then back at Chase.

  “The biggest issue with Liz is her need to control the situation she’s in. She feels like everything is out of her control, and this is why you’re getting the tantrums. Find ways that help her have a measure of control in every situation. If you’re going on a date, get her involved in picking the place. Your sister is already doing these things by letting Liz help with the wedding preparations. Involve her more in the decisions you make. By doing this, you show her that she’s a part of your life and that she has value.”

  Allison paused for a moment before she continued. “Communication is important, and when a child is left out of the loop, they tend to fill in the blanks with their own ideas, which aren’t always what we would expect.”

  Chase sat back in his chair and mulled over what she’d said. It wasn’t until Liz caught him kissing Katie on the ball field that she had realized there was more going on. When he looked into the timing of her outbursts, everything started to make more sense. A light bulb went off in his head, and Chase leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

  “So all I need to do is communicate more with Liz, and she’ll accept Katie?” he asked.

  “I can’t answer that.” Allison gave him a sympathetic smile. “I can tell it means a great deal to you that they reconcile their differences. If it’s any consolation, in similar cases children rarely hate the significant other as an individual. It’s that they find it hard to reconcile their loyalty to the deceased parent with their desire to let the surviving parent find love again.”

  Chase shouldn’t have been surprised at that piece of information. He and Katie had even had a similar conversation about love versus loyalty after they had seen Camelot. When he thought about what Allison said, the points David had made in their session started to ring in his ears.

  The guilt had overwhelmed him at times. Was this why he’d let Katie go without a fight? He had told himself that it was all about Liz, but was it really? Chase filed that away to think about later when he could give it his full focus.

  “Do you have any questions?” Allison asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

  “No, you’ve given me a lot to digest.”

  “Liz is very mature for her age. I think she’ll resolve the majority of her problems in the next couple of months, as long as you continue to be consistent in your discipline and communication. I’ve already seen huge improvements in the past several weeks.”

  Chase smiled his first genuine smile in days. “Thank you so much for your help. I also need to get Tony in here to talk to someone.”

  “I think that would be a good idea.”

  ~*~

  The time without Katie was unbearable, even though Liz’s behavior improved each week. The one upside to their separation was that Katie didn’t have to witness the occasional setbacks while his family worked through their grief.

  They spent their free time together catching up on memories of Terri. The more they talked about her mother, the more Chase could see the small, positive changes in Liz’s attitude.

  Chase also realized that Tony’s apparent disinterest in Terri stemmed from his loyalty to Katie. It amazed him how Tony’s troubles could be the complete opposite of Liz’s, yet still the same. Counseling had progressed, and they’d started sessions with a family group therapist. Sayid opened up a whole new understanding about how to help Liz and Tony.

  Not only did Chase have some realizations, but apparently Liz did as well. She worked with Allison to get to the point where she was open to the idea of Chase dating again. It was obvious she wanted her father to be happy—she just needed to find a way past the anger she harbored over her mother’s death.

  In their sessions together, Tony brought up his love for Katie often. At first, Liz defended her position that Katie had tried to replace Terri. After the therapist asked her if she thought Chase should be alone for the remainder of his life, he turned her thinking around and gave Liz some things to ponder. The look on her face was painful to watch. She struggled with wanting to keep her mother’s memory alive and letting her father be happy. After that, she was more open to the idea of someone new in his life, and he could see her walls slowly begin to crumble.

  As for Tony, he needed someone to talk to about all the changes in their home. His acceptance of Katie had come from his desire for a mother. Chase didn’t doubt that he loved Katie very much, but it was the idea of having a mother that Tony clung to.

  Chase adjusted his work schedule to spend more time with his children. He’d go in the early morning hours to work, and Gina would get the kids up and to Daniel’s house before she went to work. By noon, Chase would pick them up, and they would engage in different family activities that he’d put off before. It was too easy to drown in work and forget about the past. At least now he recognized it for what it was—avoidance.

  Chapter 20

  Katie was used to having Shawn underfoot, so four weeks was a long time to be alone. Monday mornings were the designated day for him to call her. This particular Monday morning, Katie fumbled through her routine, running into one distraction after another.

  Gina called just as Katie climbed out of the shower and asked if she wanted to go out with her and Daniel for lunch. Katie declined, giving her a lame excuse. It was hard enough running into her at work—Katie wasn’t ready to put herself in a situation where Chase could come up in conversation. She could hear the disappointment in Gina’s voice, and Katie felt terrible for brushing her off for the third time in the past few weeks.

  She was dressed and in the middle of applying a thin coat of makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes when her power went out. In other circumstances, it would have been a small annoyance, but she hadn’t started her coffee yet and her hair was still dripping from her shower. With a heavy sigh, she drew back her hair into a ponytail and tried to tell herself that she didn’t need her morning pick-me-up.

  She had almost convinced herself the day could only get better when she pulled her CSUMB hoodie out of the closet and noticed the box she’d hidden in the back. It was lying on the closet floor so that she didn’t have to see the dolphins Chase had given her. Tears sprang to her eyes when tiny pinpricks of regret jabbed down her spine.

  Katie shook her head, refusing to let herself surrender to the sorrow she had fought off since their breakup. It was too late. The memory of her deceit the night he had given her the dolphins haunted her. She had needed him—needed one last night to savor his touch—before she shattered their future. Katie had been weak, and because of that weakness, she’d let him believe everything was fine.

  The phone rang, startling her. Katie wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and grabbed her cell phone off the dresser. She needed to pull herself together. It wouldn’t do Shawn any good to hear her sniffling over something she couldn’t change.

  Clearing her throat, she answered her phone with false cheer. “Hello?”

  “Mom?” Shawn’s voice came through the receiver, making her smile.

  “Hey, baby. How are you?”

  “I miss you, Mommy.”

  He never called her Mommy anymore. Something was up. “I miss you too, baby. You sound sad—are you okay?”

  He sniffed, and she wanted to pull him through the phone and hold him i
n her arms. “No, I want to come home,” he whispered.

  “I’m sorry, Shawn. You’ve got less than two weeks left with your dad.” The urge to take the next flight out of Monterey tugged at her heart. “Have you gone fishing with Uncle Kevin?”

  “Yeah, we go on the weekends, but Dad never goes. He’s never home. I thought he’d be here more so we could do stuff.”

  “What do you mean he’s never home?”

  “He’s at work and stuff. I have to stay with Elena.”

  “Do you like her?” In past conversations, he’d avoided bringing her up, so Katie wasn’t sure how he felt about her.

  “She’s all right, but she cooks funny and the house has all this pink girly stuff and she wants me to call her Mom.”

  Katie’s jaw clenched, and every muscle in her body tensed at the thought of that woman trying to take that title as her own. It took her a few moments to compose herself before she asked the next question.

  “Do you call her Mom?”

  “No, but she always tells me to,” he answered.

  “Have you talked to your dad about it?”

  “Nuh-uh. He said we’d play baseball, too, but we still haven’t. Coach always played ball with Tony and me.”

  “I know, honey. Can I talk to your dad?” Katie asked. She needed to straighten out a few things with him if this was going to be their permanent arrangement.

  “He’s not here. You can talk to Elena, if you want.”

  “No, that’s okay,” she said. “Shawn, I know it’s hard to be away from home, but you’re going to have to stay for another two weeks.”

  “Why?”

  How do you explain to a child about court-ordered visitation?

  “Because your dad doesn’t get to see you very much, so you need to spend this time with him. You won’t see him again until Christmas.”

  “I know. I just miss you, Tony, and Coach. I even miss Liz.”

  “We miss you, too.”

  “I love you, Mom. Elena said it’s time to get off the phone.”